Sorry for the interruption, but we only have one real computer (it's pretty tough to blog from the iPhone, though I've done it in the past) at the moment and Monster is having a blast playing games on it.
We had thought we had a place all set up for us in RI before we ever left CA. However, the owner decided he didn't want a dog on the property and Mr. had the un-enviable job of finding us a new place to live in little to no time. He did spectacularly-he found us a rather quirky place not to far from the water. It has a finished basement (with kitchen and spare bedroom), a huge deck and a beautiful open backyard that came with a tree swing and swing set (that we have added a slide to since moving in).
Move-in day was extremely hot and humid. We started out late; both the owner and the moving van was here before us. Monster was a trooper-playing in the house and deciding on the downstairs as "his" place for the day. He also fell in love with the outside swing. IN fact, he has tried to sneak out several times (and succeeded a few heartstopping instances) in order to get back there and play. We seem to spend a lot of time back there in the mornings rather than his playing with DVDs.
Since moving in, Monster has had a difficult time of things. As usual, it manifests in his bedtime routine and sleeping habits. He has never been an easy kid when it came to going to bed. He and I have had some epic battles in the past when it has come to sleep. Recently (as in before the move) his nighttime problems seem to have subsided quite a bit. However, the move seemed to have instilled a whole new host of problems.
One thing Monster has been doing lately, which is both pretty remarkable and difficult to deal with. Monster has taken to reciting entire Go Diego Go episodes. I realize that in the scheme of Autism, that's fairly typical, but for Monster, he hasn't done this before (partially because he couldn't or wouldn't speak) and it is pretty cool to hear him utter entire sentences, even if he is just is reciting something. On the other hand, this is just another way for him to tune out the world. He seems to start reciting things when he is either upset, or overwhelmed or doesn't want to listen to us, which these days is often.
I realize that set backs are going to happen, especially when I've completely turned his world upside down. So I'm trying to look on the bright side of things. He has found another way to check out from us, but at least he is speaking when he does it.
Hopefully he will settle in more and get more comfortable with the new place and we can build on this.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The Move, Part 2
When we landed after the traumatic flight, Monster was VERY happy to see Mr. He tried to run the entire way to baggage claim; I tried to prevent this since I was hobbling with a bad back.
He ran right into Mr.'s arms and I went to find the luggage while Mr. tried to get Monster to drink some water (flying is so dehydrating, isn't it?). Ok, got luggage, found car (where the 4 legged monster was waiting for us, I missed that mutt!). It's after midnight, local time, but internally for Monster and I it's just past 9:00, near his bedtime but not really past it. Monster had a tough time settling down, but eventually went to sleep.
Unfortunately, the next few days weren't that much fun for Monster and I know it pushed him to the limits of his control. All-in-all, he did great. Saturday was our first full day in Rhode Island and Monster was in a strange place-that luckily had a pool. We got up, went out for coffee and a trip to Whole Foods for Monster's food followed by a drive around the island that was to be our new home. It was very hot, very humid. I was having flashbacks to that first miserable summer I spent in Pittsburgh before graduate school (not a pleasant memory for me).
The Island is quite beautiful. We chose this place because of the wonderful things we had heard about the school district in addition to the attraction of living in a small town where people would be able to really get to know us, and Monster. One of the more difficult things for a family dealing with Autism is the isolation. Even though we lived in a fairly populous place, Bay area of California, it was very difficult to really get to know people. We learned fairly early on after Monster's diagnosis that his behavior deteriorates when I spent long hours away from home, so free time wasn't available to follow outside interests. Because Mr was the stay at home parent, it was harder to connect with other families-there is still a large prejudice against stay at home dads-more so than there is against women in engineering these days. Our main circle of friends (our wonderful, caring, supportive, funny circle of friends) were families with children who had special needs. Which, on the one hand, is great because they understand you, what's going on with you, and to some extent your child (no awkward explanations, no weird staring, no uncomfortable silences as someone tries to figure out if you are someone to be pitied or just a bad parent). On the other hand, they have the same restrictions (or the same type of restrictions) on time, money and finding a baby-sitter, so nights out without the kids were few and far between and nearly always filled with discussions on our fight against the District or State.
This isolation is why we, foolishly or not (only time will tell), chose to move somewhere where there was a tradition of, if not acceptance and tolerance, but of knowing your neighbors. The kids we hope to run into at the playground, should be the same ones he will go to school with. His education will no longer be segregated to a campus where he won't meet neuro-typical peers, etc. etc. etc. etc.
Sorry for the side trip, back to the move story.
The first day we visited the Island, Monster was already at his limit-we had gone to the store (his least favorite place) and denied him his DVD player (we don't allow it in the car except on long trips because he tends to fixate and not notice anything else around him)-maybe we were wrong, who knows. We parked to drop off flowers for someone who had helped us look for a place. He didn't like sitting around while we spoke to folks at the real estate office (which was fun because not only were they all really nice, let 4-legged monster into the office with us, but one was the PTO president of what will be Monster's new school), he didn't like sitting around while Mr and I got something to eat. After all, he was having fun at a playground before we dragged him to lunch. He also wanted to go to the library for his daily DVD checkout (which we couldn't do since we didn't have a card or any proof we lived in RI) and he managed to delete his Go! Diego, Go! episodes off his iPod (a truly useful device). Eventually, we got him back to the hotel where he was able to swim before we went out in search of dinner.
Oops-Monster just got back from playing outside (I know I haven't mentioned it, but our new house has a swing attached to a tree outside and Monster adores playing outside there). I'll finish up more later.
He ran right into Mr.'s arms and I went to find the luggage while Mr. tried to get Monster to drink some water (flying is so dehydrating, isn't it?). Ok, got luggage, found car (where the 4 legged monster was waiting for us, I missed that mutt!). It's after midnight, local time, but internally for Monster and I it's just past 9:00, near his bedtime but not really past it. Monster had a tough time settling down, but eventually went to sleep.
Unfortunately, the next few days weren't that much fun for Monster and I know it pushed him to the limits of his control. All-in-all, he did great. Saturday was our first full day in Rhode Island and Monster was in a strange place-that luckily had a pool. We got up, went out for coffee and a trip to Whole Foods for Monster's food followed by a drive around the island that was to be our new home. It was very hot, very humid. I was having flashbacks to that first miserable summer I spent in Pittsburgh before graduate school (not a pleasant memory for me).
The Island is quite beautiful. We chose this place because of the wonderful things we had heard about the school district in addition to the attraction of living in a small town where people would be able to really get to know us, and Monster. One of the more difficult things for a family dealing with Autism is the isolation. Even though we lived in a fairly populous place, Bay area of California, it was very difficult to really get to know people. We learned fairly early on after Monster's diagnosis that his behavior deteriorates when I spent long hours away from home, so free time wasn't available to follow outside interests. Because Mr was the stay at home parent, it was harder to connect with other families-there is still a large prejudice against stay at home dads-more so than there is against women in engineering these days. Our main circle of friends (our wonderful, caring, supportive, funny circle of friends) were families with children who had special needs. Which, on the one hand, is great because they understand you, what's going on with you, and to some extent your child (no awkward explanations, no weird staring, no uncomfortable silences as someone tries to figure out if you are someone to be pitied or just a bad parent). On the other hand, they have the same restrictions (or the same type of restrictions) on time, money and finding a baby-sitter, so nights out without the kids were few and far between and nearly always filled with discussions on our fight against the District or State.
This isolation is why we, foolishly or not (only time will tell), chose to move somewhere where there was a tradition of, if not acceptance and tolerance, but of knowing your neighbors. The kids we hope to run into at the playground, should be the same ones he will go to school with. His education will no longer be segregated to a campus where he won't meet neuro-typical peers, etc. etc. etc. etc.
Sorry for the side trip, back to the move story.
The first day we visited the Island, Monster was already at his limit-we had gone to the store (his least favorite place) and denied him his DVD player (we don't allow it in the car except on long trips because he tends to fixate and not notice anything else around him)-maybe we were wrong, who knows. We parked to drop off flowers for someone who had helped us look for a place. He didn't like sitting around while we spoke to folks at the real estate office (which was fun because not only were they all really nice, let 4-legged monster into the office with us, but one was the PTO president of what will be Monster's new school), he didn't like sitting around while Mr and I got something to eat. After all, he was having fun at a playground before we dragged him to lunch. He also wanted to go to the library for his daily DVD checkout (which we couldn't do since we didn't have a card or any proof we lived in RI) and he managed to delete his Go! Diego, Go! episodes off his iPod (a truly useful device). Eventually, we got him back to the hotel where he was able to swim before we went out in search of dinner.
Oops-Monster just got back from playing outside (I know I haven't mentioned it, but our new house has a swing attached to a tree outside and Monster adores playing outside there). I'll finish up more later.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The move is finally over (sort of)
Whew.
We finally got internet access yesterday so I finally get to re-connect with the rest of the world. We are mostly moved in, but still have a few boxes to clear out and some things to organize. I wonder if I'll get everything unpacked this time. When I was packing up the last place to move here, I found several boxes that I hadn't gotten around to unpacking-two boxes of clothes, several boxes of knick-knacks and 1 box of just candles.
Anyway, it's done, the move that is. I start the new job on Monday but until then, I'm just trying to acclimate myself to life here on the island. It is quite different from anywhere else I've lived. Everything closes by about 9:00 or so and there are few take out options. Both Mr and I are looking forward to more home cooked meals and quiet time together.
So, the burning question on the minds of my imaginary blog readers-how did Monster deal with the move. In many ways he has exceeded our expectations-asserting himself in many ways and communicating his wants and needs with language. In other ways, he has had a very difficult time.
The moving van showed up two weeks ago today. That morning, Monster had a speech therapy appointment-his last one for a while. His sleep habits had gotten a bit weird before we moved. I imagine it was related to the packing, Mom being home and the different schedule at school. That last day, he had a difficult time in speech. He couldn't settle down and was biting his hand more than usual. His therapist, as wonderful as she is, couldn't get him to settle down much. It's tough that his last therapy appointment was so rough. The whole day he was off. He didn't want to go to the playground. I tried to prepare him for when we got home-that the place would be empty. When we finally got home that day, he ran around a bit, going from room to room while I finished the last of the packing. It's hard to explain but I could almost feel his anxiety increasing bit by bit.
We left that night-made it all the way to Bakersfield before we stopped for the night. Monster fell asleep for a bit while on the road, but he didn't sleep long. Finally, we found a room and all of us got a decent night's sleep before continuing on to my folk's place. Up until now, Monster was doing ok knowing he was going to Nonny and Poppy's house. He likes it there; they spoil him ;)
Mr spent a day or so with us before taking off with the mutt and driving across country. Monster and I hung out with my parents, which was fun. Monster got to go swimming everyday and we even got a library card (FYI, Las Vegas gives library cards to non-residents) so he could check out DVDs everyday. We went bowling one time and he would put his fingers in the holes and carry the ball up (I'll try to upload some video when I find the right cables).
All in all, the week went by very fast and fairly easily. Monster went to bed with little problems; we worked on his writing, reading and math each day. I was a bit concerned about the airport, but not the flight.
Silly me.
I pretty much did everything wrong the day we left Las Vegas. When the car came to pick us up, I put Monster's iPod and gum in the trunk. He started crying in the car. He wanted to go back to Nonny and Poppy's house. He was great in the airport, at first. He went through the security line with little incident. He listened pretty well to me and followed directions with respect to taking off his shoes and walking through the metal detector. I found a place that I could plug in his DVD player and thought things were going smoothly.
But we were in the airport a bit too long. The noises and lights of the slot machines, the crowds of people; it was like a ball gathering momentum when going down hill. He started getting overloaded, which upped the anxiety, which overloaded him, so on and so forth. He ran off once, and a very nice lady snagged him while I ran after him. He was adamant at this point that he "wanted to go home". I couldn't get him to calm down too much and he tried two more break aways. Finally it was our turn to board, and he decided to have a massive melt down. He was screaming and crying "Won't go" he screamed over and over. He pinched me, hit me, broke away running out of the gang way-all in front of the people waiting to board the plane. A very nice lady rolled my carry on stuff for me and another nice flight attendant put our stuff in an overhead bin while I struggled with the Monster.
I took him to the very last seats on the plane. The entire time, he was trying to grab a hold of the seats while I literally dragged him up the aisle. I have never been so mortified, or terrified. When we got to the last row, he wouldn't sit down and held himself rigid, still screaming and crying. I was just finally getting him to settle a bit down, when I buckled him into his seat and he started up all over again. "Seatbelt off" "won't go" his language was doing pretty good at the moment; there was no doubt what he wanted (or rather what he didn't want). The pilot came back to talk to us. He tried to talk to Monster. Started out asking Monster's name (funny story below about this) and when I told him he tried talking to Monster (who didn't want to talk to a stranger). I explained that Monster had Autism and that he would calm down when we go into the air and I could turn his DVD player. THe pilot told me to go ahead and give it to him, which I did, and Monster did calm down. The pilot came back in a while and I could tell he was preparing to ask us to leave if Monster had not calmed down. The only thought going through my head was that if Monster got off that plane, he would never EVER get back on another plane, which would have made moving fairly difficult since I didn't have a car and Mr. was already in Rhode Island.
Monster did great, given how the flight started. I kept up a constant stream of words, telling him we were going to go see Daddy and we had to fly there to see Daddy. He kept crying for Daddy and I kept telling him we were going to see Daddy. Poor baby eventually cried himself to sleep after take off. It was ironic, between a poor night's sleep, swimming that morning and the energy it took to fight and cry for so long, Monster may have slept through the entire flight had the flight attendant not made an announcement that we could turn on our electronic devices. At this point, Monster woke up. However, he was much calmer. We took out his DVD player and he watched his DVDs the rest of the flight, while being fascinated with the sights outside the plane. He was just getting restless again when we landed. I was so fortunate to have had a direct flight. I wonder if I could have gotten Monster back on another plane had we needed to make a connection. I'm glad I didn't have to find out!
As I got up from our seats, my back started to spasm. I was sitting in an awkward position, not to mention extremely stressed and tense, for a long time. Having sever back pain, made moving difficult, but at least we were here.
Well, it's late and we have another big day tomorrow. I'll write more about the new house and his adapting to the island.
Edited to add:
One thing Monster's therapist had been working on was him knowing and saying his name as well as his age, my name and Mr's name. So when the pilot asked his name, and I re-asked him "What's your name?" He said it, all the while hiccupping and crying, but he said it. First and last name. I know he only did so because he was motivated by thinking I would let himeout of the plane if he did what I asked, but still, he did it. Later on (a few days later, as I'll talk about in another blog) a little boy asked him his age, and with some prompting, he answered 6 years old. So if his ST from Mill's is reading-he did it!!!
We finally got internet access yesterday so I finally get to re-connect with the rest of the world. We are mostly moved in, but still have a few boxes to clear out and some things to organize. I wonder if I'll get everything unpacked this time. When I was packing up the last place to move here, I found several boxes that I hadn't gotten around to unpacking-two boxes of clothes, several boxes of knick-knacks and 1 box of just candles.
Anyway, it's done, the move that is. I start the new job on Monday but until then, I'm just trying to acclimate myself to life here on the island. It is quite different from anywhere else I've lived. Everything closes by about 9:00 or so and there are few take out options. Both Mr and I are looking forward to more home cooked meals and quiet time together.
So, the burning question on the minds of my imaginary blog readers-how did Monster deal with the move. In many ways he has exceeded our expectations-asserting himself in many ways and communicating his wants and needs with language. In other ways, he has had a very difficult time.
The moving van showed up two weeks ago today. That morning, Monster had a speech therapy appointment-his last one for a while. His sleep habits had gotten a bit weird before we moved. I imagine it was related to the packing, Mom being home and the different schedule at school. That last day, he had a difficult time in speech. He couldn't settle down and was biting his hand more than usual. His therapist, as wonderful as she is, couldn't get him to settle down much. It's tough that his last therapy appointment was so rough. The whole day he was off. He didn't want to go to the playground. I tried to prepare him for when we got home-that the place would be empty. When we finally got home that day, he ran around a bit, going from room to room while I finished the last of the packing. It's hard to explain but I could almost feel his anxiety increasing bit by bit.
We left that night-made it all the way to Bakersfield before we stopped for the night. Monster fell asleep for a bit while on the road, but he didn't sleep long. Finally, we found a room and all of us got a decent night's sleep before continuing on to my folk's place. Up until now, Monster was doing ok knowing he was going to Nonny and Poppy's house. He likes it there; they spoil him ;)
Mr spent a day or so with us before taking off with the mutt and driving across country. Monster and I hung out with my parents, which was fun. Monster got to go swimming everyday and we even got a library card (FYI, Las Vegas gives library cards to non-residents) so he could check out DVDs everyday. We went bowling one time and he would put his fingers in the holes and carry the ball up (I'll try to upload some video when I find the right cables).
All in all, the week went by very fast and fairly easily. Monster went to bed with little problems; we worked on his writing, reading and math each day. I was a bit concerned about the airport, but not the flight.
Silly me.
I pretty much did everything wrong the day we left Las Vegas. When the car came to pick us up, I put Monster's iPod and gum in the trunk. He started crying in the car. He wanted to go back to Nonny and Poppy's house. He was great in the airport, at first. He went through the security line with little incident. He listened pretty well to me and followed directions with respect to taking off his shoes and walking through the metal detector. I found a place that I could plug in his DVD player and thought things were going smoothly.
But we were in the airport a bit too long. The noises and lights of the slot machines, the crowds of people; it was like a ball gathering momentum when going down hill. He started getting overloaded, which upped the anxiety, which overloaded him, so on and so forth. He ran off once, and a very nice lady snagged him while I ran after him. He was adamant at this point that he "wanted to go home". I couldn't get him to calm down too much and he tried two more break aways. Finally it was our turn to board, and he decided to have a massive melt down. He was screaming and crying "Won't go" he screamed over and over. He pinched me, hit me, broke away running out of the gang way-all in front of the people waiting to board the plane. A very nice lady rolled my carry on stuff for me and another nice flight attendant put our stuff in an overhead bin while I struggled with the Monster.
I took him to the very last seats on the plane. The entire time, he was trying to grab a hold of the seats while I literally dragged him up the aisle. I have never been so mortified, or terrified. When we got to the last row, he wouldn't sit down and held himself rigid, still screaming and crying. I was just finally getting him to settle a bit down, when I buckled him into his seat and he started up all over again. "Seatbelt off" "won't go" his language was doing pretty good at the moment; there was no doubt what he wanted (or rather what he didn't want). The pilot came back to talk to us. He tried to talk to Monster. Started out asking Monster's name (funny story below about this) and when I told him he tried talking to Monster (who didn't want to talk to a stranger). I explained that Monster had Autism and that he would calm down when we go into the air and I could turn his DVD player. THe pilot told me to go ahead and give it to him, which I did, and Monster did calm down. The pilot came back in a while and I could tell he was preparing to ask us to leave if Monster had not calmed down. The only thought going through my head was that if Monster got off that plane, he would never EVER get back on another plane, which would have made moving fairly difficult since I didn't have a car and Mr. was already in Rhode Island.
Monster did great, given how the flight started. I kept up a constant stream of words, telling him we were going to go see Daddy and we had to fly there to see Daddy. He kept crying for Daddy and I kept telling him we were going to see Daddy. Poor baby eventually cried himself to sleep after take off. It was ironic, between a poor night's sleep, swimming that morning and the energy it took to fight and cry for so long, Monster may have slept through the entire flight had the flight attendant not made an announcement that we could turn on our electronic devices. At this point, Monster woke up. However, he was much calmer. We took out his DVD player and he watched his DVDs the rest of the flight, while being fascinated with the sights outside the plane. He was just getting restless again when we landed. I was so fortunate to have had a direct flight. I wonder if I could have gotten Monster back on another plane had we needed to make a connection. I'm glad I didn't have to find out!
As I got up from our seats, my back started to spasm. I was sitting in an awkward position, not to mention extremely stressed and tense, for a long time. Having sever back pain, made moving difficult, but at least we were here.
Well, it's late and we have another big day tomorrow. I'll write more about the new house and his adapting to the island.
Edited to add:
One thing Monster's therapist had been working on was him knowing and saying his name as well as his age, my name and Mr's name. So when the pilot asked his name, and I re-asked him "What's your name?" He said it, all the while hiccupping and crying, but he said it. First and last name. I know he only did so because he was motivated by thinking I would let himeout of the plane if he did what I asked, but still, he did it. Later on (a few days later, as I'll talk about in another blog) a little boy asked him his age, and with some prompting, he answered 6 years old. So if his ST from Mill's is reading-he did it!!!
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