Monster upgraded from a pony to a big boy horse. We've tried it a few times over the past few months but he either hadn't wanted to get on or stay on the larger horse (about twice as tall).
This past Wednesday, on an extremely hot afternoon, the ranch where we go riding decided to try a bigger horse again since Monster's usual ride was sufferring from unrequited love (he seems to have been upset that his new female stall mate was taken out for a ride without him or something like that). We think Monster may have been showing off for mom (since I'm rarely there) and he actually got on, although he rode for a much shorter period of time than he usually does.
Here is a video of him and bandera:
We'll try the larger horse again next week; his last riding until we find a new place in RI. Monster is doing so many new things these days. I know he is going to regress during the move, but it will be tough to see.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Perceptions and Assumptions
One of the biggest challenges parents of children on the spectrum face, in my opinion, are the judgments and assumptions by other people who have little or no clue. Most of our children appear "normal". They don't use a wheelchair or have any characteristic physical features that say "disabled". So when Monster has a meltdown, we are just as likely to get the stink eye from passers by as the parents who can't control their spoiled little brat as we are the pitying look.
For the most part, I can ignore it, assuming I even notice anymore. As a self-defense mechanism, I tend to hyper focus on monster (probably too much so) when he starts a meltdown in public, maybe exaggerating what I do to calm him down to show that he is not "normal". I also try to give other parents the kind, understanding, look when other kids get out of hand, after all, I don't know what challenges that family may have been experiencing that day.
All in all, I consider myself fairly accepting and a bit Pollyanna-ish (just ask my friends at ihmmb).
Which is why I'm having a tough time with what I saw (and felt) yesterday.
We were at 6-flags again, indulging Monster in one of his favorite activities-go carts. One of the single drivers, a young man in his late teens/early 20's by my estimate, spun out and crashed hard into the track edge. No biggie, it happens. Not long after he got righted, he did it again. Then a third time-for which he was kicked off the course. I totally understand the need to get him off the track, an out of control driver is dangerous. As he was pushed off the course, he steered a fourth time into the wall and the crowd cheered as he was kicked out. Many were annoyed, some were mocking. My first thought was "what a twit for driving faster than he could do so safely". I admit, I get very annoyed and pissed off at the little punks who race each, cutting folks off and yelling at slow pokes (like me, which is why Mr takes Monster out).
As the race ended, I walked over to the exit to help get Monster away before he melts down for not being able to ride again. I noticed the same young man who was kicked off the ride. He was walking in circles, mumbling, and flapping his hands. As his friends go off the ride, one of which was another young man who I noticed was driving slow and having a hard time controlling the car, he spoke in a slow awkward way that was reminiscent (to me) of someone who has difficulty speaking.
I have no idea what special needs this young man had, nor those of at least one of his friends who I also suspect was developmentally disabled, though I'm sure at least one, if not both of them were disabled. My first thought was of shame-how can I, of all people, get caught in that judgmental trap of just assuming that a person is "normal" but acting like a jerk? After all my preachiness online about seeing past the obvious and trying to be more understanding, there I was being a judgmental bitch who silently agreed with the jeering crowd-that this young man was deserving of public humiliation. Even if he wasn't disabled, why had I jumped on the annoyance bandwagon? There was nothing overt in his behavior or demeanor that suggested he was deliberately trying to be a jerk by losing control. In fact, at the time I wondered if he just didn't understand English enough to figure out the signals and rules. Not everyone is good at driving those cars-I'm certainly not (which is why I try not to drive them). What a hypocrite I was to preach at others to look past the obvious and yet there I was doing that exact thing.
My second thought was that that kid could easily be Monster in about 10 or so years. Heck, to some extent, it's Monster now. It reminds me that in addition to teaching him how to try and find his way in this world, that everyone is different and it's ok to be different or to have struggles, but that he must also be patient with those who don't get that. Not only does he have to accept himself for who and what he is, but he has to accept (and ignore) that there are others who won't accept him no matter what; that he may be laughed at or mocked just because he is different. I remember how tough it was for an overweight geeky girl to do that in high school, and I was smart enough to understand, at least to some extent, that those people didn't really matter, nor did their opinions of me.
The thought is overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder why I'm fighting so hard for him to have an opportunity at a "normal" life when that path is so much more dangerous to him, in the long run. Not that I have a choice, this is the world in which we live and I need to prepare him to live in it. But am I setting him up for failure or success by trying to integrate him as fully as possible with the rest of the world? To tell him he can try to do and be anything he wishes-even if he fails at it.
If I can be as judgmental as I was yesterday, how can I ask the rest of the world to be accepting of him?
I can only hope that I can work past my own assumptions and perceptions and "become the change that I wish to see".
For the most part, I can ignore it, assuming I even notice anymore. As a self-defense mechanism, I tend to hyper focus on monster (probably too much so) when he starts a meltdown in public, maybe exaggerating what I do to calm him down to show that he is not "normal". I also try to give other parents the kind, understanding, look when other kids get out of hand, after all, I don't know what challenges that family may have been experiencing that day.
All in all, I consider myself fairly accepting and a bit Pollyanna-ish (just ask my friends at ihmmb).
Which is why I'm having a tough time with what I saw (and felt) yesterday.
We were at 6-flags again, indulging Monster in one of his favorite activities-go carts. One of the single drivers, a young man in his late teens/early 20's by my estimate, spun out and crashed hard into the track edge. No biggie, it happens. Not long after he got righted, he did it again. Then a third time-for which he was kicked off the course. I totally understand the need to get him off the track, an out of control driver is dangerous. As he was pushed off the course, he steered a fourth time into the wall and the crowd cheered as he was kicked out. Many were annoyed, some were mocking. My first thought was "what a twit for driving faster than he could do so safely". I admit, I get very annoyed and pissed off at the little punks who race each, cutting folks off and yelling at slow pokes (like me, which is why Mr takes Monster out).
As the race ended, I walked over to the exit to help get Monster away before he melts down for not being able to ride again. I noticed the same young man who was kicked off the ride. He was walking in circles, mumbling, and flapping his hands. As his friends go off the ride, one of which was another young man who I noticed was driving slow and having a hard time controlling the car, he spoke in a slow awkward way that was reminiscent (to me) of someone who has difficulty speaking.
I have no idea what special needs this young man had, nor those of at least one of his friends who I also suspect was developmentally disabled, though I'm sure at least one, if not both of them were disabled. My first thought was of shame-how can I, of all people, get caught in that judgmental trap of just assuming that a person is "normal" but acting like a jerk? After all my preachiness online about seeing past the obvious and trying to be more understanding, there I was being a judgmental bitch who silently agreed with the jeering crowd-that this young man was deserving of public humiliation. Even if he wasn't disabled, why had I jumped on the annoyance bandwagon? There was nothing overt in his behavior or demeanor that suggested he was deliberately trying to be a jerk by losing control. In fact, at the time I wondered if he just didn't understand English enough to figure out the signals and rules. Not everyone is good at driving those cars-I'm certainly not (which is why I try not to drive them). What a hypocrite I was to preach at others to look past the obvious and yet there I was doing that exact thing.
My second thought was that that kid could easily be Monster in about 10 or so years. Heck, to some extent, it's Monster now. It reminds me that in addition to teaching him how to try and find his way in this world, that everyone is different and it's ok to be different or to have struggles, but that he must also be patient with those who don't get that. Not only does he have to accept himself for who and what he is, but he has to accept (and ignore) that there are others who won't accept him no matter what; that he may be laughed at or mocked just because he is different. I remember how tough it was for an overweight geeky girl to do that in high school, and I was smart enough to understand, at least to some extent, that those people didn't really matter, nor did their opinions of me.
The thought is overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder why I'm fighting so hard for him to have an opportunity at a "normal" life when that path is so much more dangerous to him, in the long run. Not that I have a choice, this is the world in which we live and I need to prepare him to live in it. But am I setting him up for failure or success by trying to integrate him as fully as possible with the rest of the world? To tell him he can try to do and be anything he wishes-even if he fails at it.
If I can be as judgmental as I was yesterday, how can I ask the rest of the world to be accepting of him?
I can only hope that I can work past my own assumptions and perceptions and "become the change that I wish to see".
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Go Diego Go
As I am home full time now, thanks to my current job ending and my next one not yet beginning, I'm getting to spend a lot of time with Monster. He is being pretty accommodating by developing new skills while I am actually around to see them (for a change).
His latest talents have been intimately linked to Noggin's Go Diego Go. One morning, by happenstance, Mr. turned on Noggin while this show was on. Monster use to love to watch both Dora and Diego episodes, a few years ago, before he "graduated" onto Disney. This time, he was different. He actually watched them. It started with the episode about condors when he would watch and then say "condors, condors, condors" and started singing the theme song, with his version of Spanish.
Go, Go Diego.
Bamose, Bamose, Diego.
I want Condors again, pease [sic]
Then he got interested in the rainforrest race episode, where he told us about the armadillo, pumas, bears and monkeys. He had this story in one of his beginner reading books and would point everything out to us while he was "reading" it. The big difference, though, with his watching the tv, he started doing the actions with the characters and shouting out the words at the correct interval. In technical terms, he interacted with the show in an age appropriate way.
Mr and I sat there stunned. We looked at each other and were nearly bawling our eyes out.
Wonders upon wonders, he seems to have linked the TV show episode to both the book he reads and to the Smart Cycle (electronic toy that hooks up to the TV) Diego game that he plays.
In technical terms, he generalized.
In emotional terms, he connected a few dots.
As with everything, it is a blessing and curse. He wants to obsess on these episodes over and over again and surfs on the edge of a meltdown when he has to do something else. But I'll take that, thank you very much.
His therapists and teachers have been telling us how well he has been doing, even if his behaviors at home are a bit moody. I hope we can keep this going during the move.
His latest talents have been intimately linked to Noggin's Go Diego Go. One morning, by happenstance, Mr. turned on Noggin while this show was on. Monster use to love to watch both Dora and Diego episodes, a few years ago, before he "graduated" onto Disney. This time, he was different. He actually watched them. It started with the episode about condors when he would watch and then say "condors, condors, condors" and started singing the theme song, with his version of Spanish.
Go, Go Diego.
Bamose, Bamose, Diego.
I want Condors again, pease [sic]
Then he got interested in the rainforrest race episode, where he told us about the armadillo, pumas, bears and monkeys. He had this story in one of his beginner reading books and would point everything out to us while he was "reading" it. The big difference, though, with his watching the tv, he started doing the actions with the characters and shouting out the words at the correct interval. In technical terms, he interacted with the show in an age appropriate way.
Mr and I sat there stunned. We looked at each other and were nearly bawling our eyes out.
Wonders upon wonders, he seems to have linked the TV show episode to both the book he reads and to the Smart Cycle (electronic toy that hooks up to the TV) Diego game that he plays.
In technical terms, he generalized.
In emotional terms, he connected a few dots.
As with everything, it is a blessing and curse. He wants to obsess on these episodes over and over again and surfs on the edge of a meltdown when he has to do something else. But I'll take that, thank you very much.
His therapists and teachers have been telling us how well he has been doing, even if his behaviors at home are a bit moody. I hope we can keep this going during the move.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Sparkler's red yellow and green glare
First off, this is being posted from my iPhone, which is pretty cool.
Today is the 4th of July, time of celebration and remembrance of the founding of the United States. Americans celebrate our declaration of indepence from what they view as the tyranny of britian and King George. I suspect that the British government of the time likely viewed this differently, but as the saying goes, history is told by the victors. Given that nearly everything that could have gone wrong during the revolution, did, it is hard not to think it was destiny that this country ever broke free from their parent And survived it's infancy. Whether we survive our adescence has yet to be determined, though I'm hopeful.
But this entry really isn't about my esoteric ramblings on the state of the US.
I want to share what has been an amazing day for Monster and a blesed day for his parents. As those of you with sensory challenged children know, dya like today can be a miixture of grief (Because you can't share the joy and fun of fireworks), terror (of when the inevitable meltdown will take place), frustraton (at the never ending loud and bright noises keep your child awake or reawkens them) and exhaustion (after dealing with an overstimulated and out of control child all day). At least, that's always been our day until today.
We decided to take the chance of goin to the zoo, hoping more folks chose to go on to a BBQ than the zoo on tis beautiful day; a gamble that was correct. We bought some sparklers (fireworks are legal in our town) and stopped by grandmas' (Mr's moms) house on the way home. Dinner was uneventful and as the sun started to fall, I decided to try the sparklers. Monster was enthralled. Rather than shying away, as I thought he would, he was more ready to grab one and play with it. More ready than I was!
He waved his sparklers wildly (and a bit scarily), quickly getting bored with his mother's extreme caution. As soon as one burned out, he asked for more. He jumped and screamed in excitement at the fireworks going off around us ( we live on a hill overlooking several culd-a-sacs, where many blocks would shoot off their fireworks), looking around eagerly for the next bang and flash.
He suffered no fear.
No wild running around out of control.
No hand biting.
No tantrum when our meager supply of sparklers were gone.
When the last glare ended, he followed me inside and laid down on the sofa, where he fell asleep 10 minutes later.
An amazing and memorable day for me and one I hadn't counted on having. The type of day the feeds into my delusons of normalcy.
Happy Independance Day!
Today is the 4th of July, time of celebration and remembrance of the founding of the United States. Americans celebrate our declaration of indepence from what they view as the tyranny of britian and King George. I suspect that the British government of the time likely viewed this differently, but as the saying goes, history is told by the victors. Given that nearly everything that could have gone wrong during the revolution, did, it is hard not to think it was destiny that this country ever broke free from their parent And survived it's infancy. Whether we survive our adescence has yet to be determined, though I'm hopeful.
But this entry really isn't about my esoteric ramblings on the state of the US.
I want to share what has been an amazing day for Monster and a blesed day for his parents. As those of you with sensory challenged children know, dya like today can be a miixture of grief (Because you can't share the joy and fun of fireworks), terror (of when the inevitable meltdown will take place), frustraton (at the never ending loud and bright noises keep your child awake or reawkens them) and exhaustion (after dealing with an overstimulated and out of control child all day). At least, that's always been our day until today.
We decided to take the chance of goin to the zoo, hoping more folks chose to go on to a BBQ than the zoo on tis beautiful day; a gamble that was correct. We bought some sparklers (fireworks are legal in our town) and stopped by grandmas' (Mr's moms) house on the way home. Dinner was uneventful and as the sun started to fall, I decided to try the sparklers. Monster was enthralled. Rather than shying away, as I thought he would, he was more ready to grab one and play with it. More ready than I was!
He waved his sparklers wildly (and a bit scarily), quickly getting bored with his mother's extreme caution. As soon as one burned out, he asked for more. He jumped and screamed in excitement at the fireworks going off around us ( we live on a hill overlooking several culd-a-sacs, where many blocks would shoot off their fireworks), looking around eagerly for the next bang and flash.
He suffered no fear.
No wild running around out of control.
No hand biting.
No tantrum when our meager supply of sparklers were gone.
When the last glare ended, he followed me inside and laid down on the sofa, where he fell asleep 10 minutes later.
An amazing and memorable day for me and one I hadn't counted on having. The type of day the feeds into my delusons of normalcy.
Happy Independance Day!
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