So tonight was open house at Monster's new school. We had never had one before. His last school never did anything like that.
We didn't have any child care, so Monster went with us (School said they preferred the kids stay home, but they preferred we were there with him than not there). he had a very busy afternoon: first trip to a new pediatrician, horseback riding and only about 10 minutes downtime before open house.
In preparation for open house, we put together a poster about Monster-pictures of the family, what he liked eating, favorite color, etc. He did about 50% of it himself, which was pretty good for him. I was concerned it would be too plain compared to the other kids, but when we saw them all together, it worked well; it fit right in with the others (one wouldn't be able to tell it was from a disabled kid--I should take a picture of it when we get it back).
Monster didn't last more than 2 minutes at the begininng of the open house, when everyone was in the gym. It was fairly loud, and hot, so I don't blame him for wanting to leave. Actually, he did really great all around, even though he didn't even want to be there. I think he was worried he would be asked to work ;)
After the initial talk, we all broke out to go to our kids' class. I found Mr and Monster and we decided to start in the library. Mr hadn't met the librarian (who happens to be my boss's wife) yet. After that, we went looking for Monster's class and stopped by his speech therapists (to ask for directions ;)). she is a wonderful lady, who is also new to the school. We chatted for a few minutes. She told us that Monster had really moved beyond PECS (picture exchange communication systems). I still remember at the beginning of this journey, the pitying look on the speech therapists face as she explained that PECS may be the only way Monster would be able to communicate with people. Don't get me wrong, PECS is an amazing and awesome way for non-verbal people to communicate with the world. I'm just amazed that someone would nearly "condemn" a child of 3 to a lifetime of using it without even trying to help him find his own voice. I doubt Monster will ever be a chatty kid, or adult, but he can speak if he needs to. It's so very sad that some people give up on these kids. I think it is a combination of low expectations (maybe they saw Rainman too many times) or just being overwhelmed. These kids aren't easy.
Back to Open House...
Monster's new SLP is awesome and seems willing to work with us to find ways to get Monster to work for her. She has a very good approach and is keen to read his cues and keep things fun enough that he'll keep working. Which is the key to working with our kids. I don't have experience with typical kids, so this may seem quite obvious to any parent. Kids on the spectrum can escape into their own heads. In fact, I would say they often prefer their own heads to our world since it is under their control and not overwhelming to them, that's why so many of us wonder if our kids have hearing problems at first. With Monster, especially when he was younger, once he "checked out", that was it--he was gone. He knew we were there, that the world was around him, but he didn't want anything to do with us. Over the last few years, he has being in this world with us, but he will still check out if he's too anything (too overwhelmed, too tired, too pissed off, too much food he shouldn't have). If you want him to work, it is a delicate balancing act of keeping him engaged and pushing him to do more. She seems to really get that.
Heck, the whole school seems to really get that.
After the Speech therapist, we went down to one of his two classrooms. Monster splits his day between 1:1 teacher time (in a "quiet" room, where he does his academics) and his homeroom class room, where he does group activities (calender time, PE, art, music). First we stopped off in his quiet room. Oh my! I saw his schedule and there must be something like 20 icons on there (Monster has what is known as a visual schedule, where his day is laid out in a series of pictures that he can pull off when he has completed his task. it tells him what is coming up and what he needs to do). He is kept moving all day, not a lot of times where he has "free play" or "free time" which is good since that's when he generally gets into trouble (bored, fixates on things). Now I know why he is so tired at the end of the day!
His special ed teacher has a lot of fantastic ideas. She seems to understand him fairly well-that he learns better when he can keep moving, she uses white boards a lot with him, doesn't make him sit down too much. She told us today that they are going to start increasing his time in the homeroom class starting Monday-they think he can start doing some of his table work in the class room with his peers. In her classroom, they have a trampoline, basketball hoop, a pit for jumping/crashing. It's really good for him.
Finally, we made it to his classroom. Unfortunately, Monster was beyond at the end of his rope. He had started asking to go home when we got to the library! We did get to chat with his teachers a little bit. During calender time, the teachers will try to ask him questions directly, and he will generally answer them correctly. According to one of his teachers, the other kids are actually amazed at how smart he is. I got the impression, they (the other kids in his class) thought he was one of the smartest in the class. We did meet a parent of one of the kids in his class. When she found out he was the Zachery, she told us that her son talks about him a lot. Apparently, her son likes to "talk with Zach". WOW.
As keeps happening to Mr and I, we spent most of the night fighting back tears (happy ones) as we spoke to everyone.
Losing my job wasn't fun, but this place is good for us.
Showing posts with label integration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label integration. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
First Day of School
Boy, am I glad the first day is over. I can finally stop obsessing about it.
Today was Monster's first day of first grade. It was also his first day at his new school, his first full day of school, his first day in a mainstream classroom and his first day having to eat lunch in a cafeteria (well, sort of).
Overall, I give the experience two thumbs up. I'm fairly exhausted (I didn't sleep much last night) so I may not make a lot of sense and ramble ;)
Before today, Mr had been taking Monster to the school in the morning and walking him down to his classroom. They hit the jackpot yesterday and managed to hook up with Monster's teachers. Mr and the teachers got to chat for a bit in Monster's new classroom while Monster got to chill out playing on his iPod (Note: if you have a child with autism, I highly urge you to get an iPod touch or iPhone for him/her, it is a very versatile, useful). Mr. said that Monster gave one of his teachers a hug before they left.
Mr and I got up at 6:00 to make sure we got everything ready. We didn't need to be at school until 8 and we were actually rushing a bit at the end. Don't ask me why, but we were so stressed and bit insane that we couldn't hit a grove. Monster woke up about 6:30 and started getting whiny because Sesame street wasn't on yet (Note to self, set up DVR for Sesame Street). He wanted to start on the DVDs, but we didn't want that since it makes it more difficult to get him out the door when he starts (he will focus and obsess with watching the transition to sneak peeks on his Disney DVDs, he doesn't actually watch the movies once he starts, he doesn't like to be told to stop and this can initiate a major meltdown, especially if he was tired). We managed to get all of his various meds (supplements, etc) down him along with some corn puffs (his breakfast) and apple juice. One or two minor whines, but all-in-all it went fairly well. When I had him put on his backpack and go out of the house, he did so with a giggle and a smile.
Even though we were rushing, we got to school fairly early so he could play in the play yard. The school folks told us that, in general, the kids play for a bit after the buses get there before they line up for class. He was excited about being there (he had played there several times already), but everything had a coating of dew on it (Monster hates wet clothes, shoes, etc) so he didn't get to swing or anything. He seemed to be having fun, though.
During this time, I was able to meet with Monster's teachers. For background, Monster's new school has a different approach to special ed. Instead of a special day class, they use a co-teaching model. The class has one general and one special education teacher along with at least one aide. The special needs child is in the general education environment and integrated into the class as much as appropriate. It exposes the neurotypical children to neurodiversity and it allows the special needs child to learn and practice social interactions. For Monster, this is ideal because he seems to crave other kids. He doesn't know how to interact with them which causes him anxiety. It takes him a while to try new things and he prefers to observe something for a long time before trying it. This situation should give him the opportunity to observe other kids and get comfortable enough to start to interact with them (that's the idea, anyway ;)).
Back to the first day...other kids starting showing up, and eventually the yard got extremely chaotic. Still, Monster stayed in the middle of it fairly well for a while. I was playing with some of the other kids, trying to show him kids are cool. Eventually, he walked off by himself to lay down on a bench in a quiet corner of the yard. I was pretty happy about that, it showed he knew he needed some down time and found it.
During the chaos, I learned that the procedure for school is the student put his/her backpack in the line that corresponded to his class. Monster's line was No. 13, which for us is a lucky number (long story for another blog) so we took that as a good omen. Once I learned this, we had Monster walk his backpack to his spot in line, drop his backpack and go back to playing.
We cuddled for a few minutes in the quiet place before the whistle blew and my nerves really ratcheted up. Mr and I each took a hand and we started walking to wait in line. Monster resisted a bit, saying playground, but I think he was just pushing boundaries-he didn't try to break away and we were able to direct him to the line fairly easily. He didn't do that well in the line, however. There were a lot of kids and parents (the kid in front of him was crying in his mom's arms, poor baby) with his stuff in the middle of it. It reminded me of a semi-controlled mosh pit. Monster was wide eyed and I could feel his anxiety start to climb (up until now, he was getting overstimulated, but he wasn't really anxious that I could tell). He was very good about telling us he wanted his backpack off. Very adamant! He did keep it on, though, so I think he was pushing his boundaries again. We chose to bring him to the back of the line, where it was less crowded and waited until it was time for him to go in. After a few minutes, teacher started to take his class in. The special ed teacher came up and took his hand to lead him in and, with a sad little look over his shoulder and a shouted "I love you, Baby" from mom, away he went.
Mr was given permission by the teacher to peek in the window, so he did and caught Monster chilling in the bean bag (Monster also caught Mr peeking). No screaming, no crying, no meltdown (not even me). Phase one was complete, separation was achieved with Mommy having a tougher time than Monster.
About 2 hours after school started, I got a call from the school nurse. Everything was fine, but Monster bit off an swallowed part of a toy. Fortunately, that was the worst of the day.
Before school started, we had set up a system with the school for Monster if he started having problems. He would be given the option of talking to mom or dad on the phone, and if he wanted to go home he could. At lunch time, 3 hrs after he was led away from us and 3 hours before school would be out, Mr got the call. It was lunch time and Monster was asking for Daddy. Because lunch was going to be in the cafeteria, which could be loud and crazy, it was decided that Mr would pick him up and the day would end there on a positive note.
While picking Monster up, Mr got to talk to the principal and teachers again. The plan for tomorrow is for Mr and I to walk Monster down to his classroom, rather than have him line up. Afterward, we are suppose to meet with the "team" (we think the SLP, OT, Sped teacher, etc) for a bit. Mr is going to eat lunch with Monster to help him get through that tough place. After lunch, Monster will have the choice to stay for the remainder of the day. I think he will likely stay if he can get through lunch.
I must say I'm completely impressed with the school and the staff and have high hopes for the upcoming school year.
Today was Monster's first day of first grade. It was also his first day at his new school, his first full day of school, his first day in a mainstream classroom and his first day having to eat lunch in a cafeteria (well, sort of).
Overall, I give the experience two thumbs up. I'm fairly exhausted (I didn't sleep much last night) so I may not make a lot of sense and ramble ;)
Before today, Mr had been taking Monster to the school in the morning and walking him down to his classroom. They hit the jackpot yesterday and managed to hook up with Monster's teachers. Mr and the teachers got to chat for a bit in Monster's new classroom while Monster got to chill out playing on his iPod (Note: if you have a child with autism, I highly urge you to get an iPod touch or iPhone for him/her, it is a very versatile, useful). Mr. said that Monster gave one of his teachers a hug before they left.
Mr and I got up at 6:00 to make sure we got everything ready. We didn't need to be at school until 8 and we were actually rushing a bit at the end. Don't ask me why, but we were so stressed and bit insane that we couldn't hit a grove. Monster woke up about 6:30 and started getting whiny because Sesame street wasn't on yet (Note to self, set up DVR for Sesame Street). He wanted to start on the DVDs, but we didn't want that since it makes it more difficult to get him out the door when he starts (he will focus and obsess with watching the transition to sneak peeks on his Disney DVDs, he doesn't actually watch the movies once he starts, he doesn't like to be told to stop and this can initiate a major meltdown, especially if he was tired). We managed to get all of his various meds (supplements, etc) down him along with some corn puffs (his breakfast) and apple juice. One or two minor whines, but all-in-all it went fairly well. When I had him put on his backpack and go out of the house, he did so with a giggle and a smile.
Even though we were rushing, we got to school fairly early so he could play in the play yard. The school folks told us that, in general, the kids play for a bit after the buses get there before they line up for class. He was excited about being there (he had played there several times already), but everything had a coating of dew on it (Monster hates wet clothes, shoes, etc) so he didn't get to swing or anything. He seemed to be having fun, though.
During this time, I was able to meet with Monster's teachers. For background, Monster's new school has a different approach to special ed. Instead of a special day class, they use a co-teaching model. The class has one general and one special education teacher along with at least one aide. The special needs child is in the general education environment and integrated into the class as much as appropriate. It exposes the neurotypical children to neurodiversity and it allows the special needs child to learn and practice social interactions. For Monster, this is ideal because he seems to crave other kids. He doesn't know how to interact with them which causes him anxiety. It takes him a while to try new things and he prefers to observe something for a long time before trying it. This situation should give him the opportunity to observe other kids and get comfortable enough to start to interact with them (that's the idea, anyway ;)).
Back to the first day...other kids starting showing up, and eventually the yard got extremely chaotic. Still, Monster stayed in the middle of it fairly well for a while. I was playing with some of the other kids, trying to show him kids are cool. Eventually, he walked off by himself to lay down on a bench in a quiet corner of the yard. I was pretty happy about that, it showed he knew he needed some down time and found it.
During the chaos, I learned that the procedure for school is the student put his/her backpack in the line that corresponded to his class. Monster's line was No. 13, which for us is a lucky number (long story for another blog) so we took that as a good omen. Once I learned this, we had Monster walk his backpack to his spot in line, drop his backpack and go back to playing.
We cuddled for a few minutes in the quiet place before the whistle blew and my nerves really ratcheted up. Mr and I each took a hand and we started walking to wait in line. Monster resisted a bit, saying playground, but I think he was just pushing boundaries-he didn't try to break away and we were able to direct him to the line fairly easily. He didn't do that well in the line, however. There were a lot of kids and parents (the kid in front of him was crying in his mom's arms, poor baby) with his stuff in the middle of it. It reminded me of a semi-controlled mosh pit. Monster was wide eyed and I could feel his anxiety start to climb (up until now, he was getting overstimulated, but he wasn't really anxious that I could tell). He was very good about telling us he wanted his backpack off. Very adamant! He did keep it on, though, so I think he was pushing his boundaries again. We chose to bring him to the back of the line, where it was less crowded and waited until it was time for him to go in. After a few minutes, teacher started to take his class in. The special ed teacher came up and took his hand to lead him in and, with a sad little look over his shoulder and a shouted "I love you, Baby" from mom, away he went.
Mr was given permission by the teacher to peek in the window, so he did and caught Monster chilling in the bean bag (Monster also caught Mr peeking). No screaming, no crying, no meltdown (not even me). Phase one was complete, separation was achieved with Mommy having a tougher time than Monster.
About 2 hours after school started, I got a call from the school nurse. Everything was fine, but Monster bit off an swallowed part of a toy. Fortunately, that was the worst of the day.
Before school started, we had set up a system with the school for Monster if he started having problems. He would be given the option of talking to mom or dad on the phone, and if he wanted to go home he could. At lunch time, 3 hrs after he was led away from us and 3 hours before school would be out, Mr got the call. It was lunch time and Monster was asking for Daddy. Because lunch was going to be in the cafeteria, which could be loud and crazy, it was decided that Mr would pick him up and the day would end there on a positive note.
While picking Monster up, Mr got to talk to the principal and teachers again. The plan for tomorrow is for Mr and I to walk Monster down to his classroom, rather than have him line up. Afterward, we are suppose to meet with the "team" (we think the SLP, OT, Sped teacher, etc) for a bit. Mr is going to eat lunch with Monster to help him get through that tough place. After lunch, Monster will have the choice to stay for the remainder of the day. I think he will likely stay if he can get through lunch.
I must say I'm completely impressed with the school and the staff and have high hopes for the upcoming school year.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Perceptions and Assumptions
One of the biggest challenges parents of children on the spectrum face, in my opinion, are the judgments and assumptions by other people who have little or no clue. Most of our children appear "normal". They don't use a wheelchair or have any characteristic physical features that say "disabled". So when Monster has a meltdown, we are just as likely to get the stink eye from passers by as the parents who can't control their spoiled little brat as we are the pitying look.
For the most part, I can ignore it, assuming I even notice anymore. As a self-defense mechanism, I tend to hyper focus on monster (probably too much so) when he starts a meltdown in public, maybe exaggerating what I do to calm him down to show that he is not "normal". I also try to give other parents the kind, understanding, look when other kids get out of hand, after all, I don't know what challenges that family may have been experiencing that day.
All in all, I consider myself fairly accepting and a bit Pollyanna-ish (just ask my friends at ihmmb).
Which is why I'm having a tough time with what I saw (and felt) yesterday.
We were at 6-flags again, indulging Monster in one of his favorite activities-go carts. One of the single drivers, a young man in his late teens/early 20's by my estimate, spun out and crashed hard into the track edge. No biggie, it happens. Not long after he got righted, he did it again. Then a third time-for which he was kicked off the course. I totally understand the need to get him off the track, an out of control driver is dangerous. As he was pushed off the course, he steered a fourth time into the wall and the crowd cheered as he was kicked out. Many were annoyed, some were mocking. My first thought was "what a twit for driving faster than he could do so safely". I admit, I get very annoyed and pissed off at the little punks who race each, cutting folks off and yelling at slow pokes (like me, which is why Mr takes Monster out).
As the race ended, I walked over to the exit to help get Monster away before he melts down for not being able to ride again. I noticed the same young man who was kicked off the ride. He was walking in circles, mumbling, and flapping his hands. As his friends go off the ride, one of which was another young man who I noticed was driving slow and having a hard time controlling the car, he spoke in a slow awkward way that was reminiscent (to me) of someone who has difficulty speaking.
I have no idea what special needs this young man had, nor those of at least one of his friends who I also suspect was developmentally disabled, though I'm sure at least one, if not both of them were disabled. My first thought was of shame-how can I, of all people, get caught in that judgmental trap of just assuming that a person is "normal" but acting like a jerk? After all my preachiness online about seeing past the obvious and trying to be more understanding, there I was being a judgmental bitch who silently agreed with the jeering crowd-that this young man was deserving of public humiliation. Even if he wasn't disabled, why had I jumped on the annoyance bandwagon? There was nothing overt in his behavior or demeanor that suggested he was deliberately trying to be a jerk by losing control. In fact, at the time I wondered if he just didn't understand English enough to figure out the signals and rules. Not everyone is good at driving those cars-I'm certainly not (which is why I try not to drive them). What a hypocrite I was to preach at others to look past the obvious and yet there I was doing that exact thing.
My second thought was that that kid could easily be Monster in about 10 or so years. Heck, to some extent, it's Monster now. It reminds me that in addition to teaching him how to try and find his way in this world, that everyone is different and it's ok to be different or to have struggles, but that he must also be patient with those who don't get that. Not only does he have to accept himself for who and what he is, but he has to accept (and ignore) that there are others who won't accept him no matter what; that he may be laughed at or mocked just because he is different. I remember how tough it was for an overweight geeky girl to do that in high school, and I was smart enough to understand, at least to some extent, that those people didn't really matter, nor did their opinions of me.
The thought is overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder why I'm fighting so hard for him to have an opportunity at a "normal" life when that path is so much more dangerous to him, in the long run. Not that I have a choice, this is the world in which we live and I need to prepare him to live in it. But am I setting him up for failure or success by trying to integrate him as fully as possible with the rest of the world? To tell him he can try to do and be anything he wishes-even if he fails at it.
If I can be as judgmental as I was yesterday, how can I ask the rest of the world to be accepting of him?
I can only hope that I can work past my own assumptions and perceptions and "become the change that I wish to see".
For the most part, I can ignore it, assuming I even notice anymore. As a self-defense mechanism, I tend to hyper focus on monster (probably too much so) when he starts a meltdown in public, maybe exaggerating what I do to calm him down to show that he is not "normal". I also try to give other parents the kind, understanding, look when other kids get out of hand, after all, I don't know what challenges that family may have been experiencing that day.
All in all, I consider myself fairly accepting and a bit Pollyanna-ish (just ask my friends at ihmmb).
Which is why I'm having a tough time with what I saw (and felt) yesterday.
We were at 6-flags again, indulging Monster in one of his favorite activities-go carts. One of the single drivers, a young man in his late teens/early 20's by my estimate, spun out and crashed hard into the track edge. No biggie, it happens. Not long after he got righted, he did it again. Then a third time-for which he was kicked off the course. I totally understand the need to get him off the track, an out of control driver is dangerous. As he was pushed off the course, he steered a fourth time into the wall and the crowd cheered as he was kicked out. Many were annoyed, some were mocking. My first thought was "what a twit for driving faster than he could do so safely". I admit, I get very annoyed and pissed off at the little punks who race each, cutting folks off and yelling at slow pokes (like me, which is why Mr takes Monster out).
As the race ended, I walked over to the exit to help get Monster away before he melts down for not being able to ride again. I noticed the same young man who was kicked off the ride. He was walking in circles, mumbling, and flapping his hands. As his friends go off the ride, one of which was another young man who I noticed was driving slow and having a hard time controlling the car, he spoke in a slow awkward way that was reminiscent (to me) of someone who has difficulty speaking.
I have no idea what special needs this young man had, nor those of at least one of his friends who I also suspect was developmentally disabled, though I'm sure at least one, if not both of them were disabled. My first thought was of shame-how can I, of all people, get caught in that judgmental trap of just assuming that a person is "normal" but acting like a jerk? After all my preachiness online about seeing past the obvious and trying to be more understanding, there I was being a judgmental bitch who silently agreed with the jeering crowd-that this young man was deserving of public humiliation. Even if he wasn't disabled, why had I jumped on the annoyance bandwagon? There was nothing overt in his behavior or demeanor that suggested he was deliberately trying to be a jerk by losing control. In fact, at the time I wondered if he just didn't understand English enough to figure out the signals and rules. Not everyone is good at driving those cars-I'm certainly not (which is why I try not to drive them). What a hypocrite I was to preach at others to look past the obvious and yet there I was doing that exact thing.
My second thought was that that kid could easily be Monster in about 10 or so years. Heck, to some extent, it's Monster now. It reminds me that in addition to teaching him how to try and find his way in this world, that everyone is different and it's ok to be different or to have struggles, but that he must also be patient with those who don't get that. Not only does he have to accept himself for who and what he is, but he has to accept (and ignore) that there are others who won't accept him no matter what; that he may be laughed at or mocked just because he is different. I remember how tough it was for an overweight geeky girl to do that in high school, and I was smart enough to understand, at least to some extent, that those people didn't really matter, nor did their opinions of me.
The thought is overwhelming. Sometimes I wonder why I'm fighting so hard for him to have an opportunity at a "normal" life when that path is so much more dangerous to him, in the long run. Not that I have a choice, this is the world in which we live and I need to prepare him to live in it. But am I setting him up for failure or success by trying to integrate him as fully as possible with the rest of the world? To tell him he can try to do and be anything he wishes-even if he fails at it.
If I can be as judgmental as I was yesterday, how can I ask the rest of the world to be accepting of him?
I can only hope that I can work past my own assumptions and perceptions and "become the change that I wish to see".
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