To Retain or not to Retain

We had our second IEP for Monster today. It was kind of funny how we found out about it. I had emailed the Special Ed director for something else (and event) and she casually mentioned "see you this afternoon", to which I replied "for what?". Apparently there was an oops somewhere and we never got our notice. No big deal (at least not here). My boss is very flexible so I took a half day (not a hardship since I'm currently battling the spring cold).

I was once again struck by how different our IEPs are. Mr and I both feel like we are actually a part of a team. When the school recommends something, there is such a feeling of trust on our side-something that we never really had before. Partially because they have suggested things that we were trying to fight for previously.

Ok, back to today's IEP. It started out with the special ed director bringing up what is, generally, speaking, a very touchy subject. She wanted us to think about holding Monster back-having him repeat first grade. Mr and I had discussed holding him back and having him repeat kindergarten-so he could mature a bit more socially.

This is the same reason they want to hold him back-to allow him to mature a bit more socially. They made a very good argument. First off, his play skills have been emerging. Apparently in his speech and OT he is playing with different toys and interacting with people. Second, since he has been through first grade already, he would be more comfortable and be able to participate in the class more fully. They are also concerned that second grade has a lot less play involved and it may be even more overwhelming for him. The way I interpreted it is that holding him back will allow him to develop his social skills more and give him more confidence for when things get harder in second grade.

No decisions were made today. We need to think about everything and there is a lot to think about.

I have to admit that I'm feeling very resentful, for want of a better word, toward our old school. A big reason Monster is doing so well right now is because he has good peer models. One of his biggest motivations is seeing other kids doing things. Even though Mr did an awesome job of getting Monster out and about, he wasn't exposed to the same kids and the same routine on a consistent basis. He had no typical peer community to emulate and observe. I often wonder how much farther along he could be if he did have that when he was younger. That sort of thinking, however, doesn't get anyone anywhere and I really need to just let it go.

Looks like Mr and I have a lot of discussions and thinking to do.

So that's what an IEP is suppose to be

We had our first IEP at the new school this morning.

It was as different from what we were use to as can be, except for one thing-we still didn't get any information before hand (this is universal, isn't it?). The meeting was only about an hour long, they had another IEP scheduled, however it was a very productive hour.

The teachers spoke about where Monster was, how he was doing. They did say that, for the most part, the goals the old school wrote were pretty on target for him, but that he blew threw them. They really hadn't written any goals yet, but we did go through what they thought he should be working on and we agreed to those in principle, now they will write the goals for us to review before agreeing. We spoke about generalizing everything to the home so we are all on the same page. The social stories, the picture strips, how they handle things. I'm continually blown away by the resources they have and the way they use them to integrate Monster into the school. For example, his special ed teacher is making a story board for PE so he can follow the games with this peers. His aide works with him to walk up and down stairs so he doesn't fling himself down them (they go through his social story, practice, prompt, etc). All the teachers have PECs attached to their belts so they can use them when needed. All the doors for activities have PECS on the outside.

But the single, most important (to me) tool, is his aide. She is an angel. We got word today that she is no longer temporary but will be hired as his aide. She can read him and help prevent problems before they happen because she is with him all the time. He is able to go to Music, art, PE and recess with his typical peers because he has someone who can help remind him how to act, read his moods and get him to where he needs to be. If ever I had a doubt (and, honestly, I never did) of what a properly trained paraprofessional can do, seeing what Ms. V can do for Monster has erased it.

Some people say that having an aide is restricting to a student, and I agree with that if the aide is not trained properly, or if the student does not trust them. But having an aide has opened so many doors for Monster. She is going to help him line up and walk in with his peers, she is going to help him eat lunch in the cafeteria with the other kids, she helps him play with other kids on the playground. How can this be more restrictive? She doesn't do things for him; she doesn't teach him directly, or act for him with other people. She is a talented, beautiful tool who helps Monster learn how he is suppose to act and gives him the confidence to try.

The ultimate goal is for Monster to NOT need her forever. To provide him with the tools and confidence to do things for himself. But sometimes, having training wheels really can help someone learn to ride a bike. Eventually, those training wheels come off.

I love my new school. But I absolutely must send out a great big internet kudos to those at my old school. Monster wouldn't be doing so well now if he hadn't had the foundation laid then/there. They may not know how to take the next step to embracing inclusion (and with the way schools are treated in CA, financially speaking, I'm sure it is a tough step), but they have talented staff who can do a lot with the little they are given (resource wise). For Monster, they wrote some good goals!

Monster is still autistic. He still has challenges, but he has a great group of people at school who are going to help us help him be the most he can be.

Now on to a few notables (both bad and good).

Good: Monster is learning to swing himself (pump his legs/arms). He is so cute pushing off of the ground, swinging his legs and then, his newest trick (learned, I'm sure at school watching other kids) jumping off the swing.

Good: Monster is reading more at home. He uses his finger and reads the books teacher sends home. I'll try and grab some video (which may be a bit wonky, since he reads during bath time :p) of him. He is cute (needs work with his articulation).

Good: He was playing outside by himself earlier. Mr. was cooking and keeping an eye on him, but he was playing on his swing, etc. So very reminiscent of what a typical child would do. It's the little things, isn't it, that are so special.

Good: He will use up/down, left/right to show us which video he wants from his collection.

Bad: He has bitten two kids at school-both on days that rained. The school has been very good about responding to both incidents. Apparently, there was some frustration with the rain preventing him from doing what he would normally do. The school is working on social stories to help him understand what will happen when it rains (indoor play days). On a positive note, it seems like the little girl he bit the first time came up and hugged him, so no hard feelings.

Bad: his fingers are extremely red and swollen. he has been biting them often. This wasn't unexpected, given the amount of work he has to do all the time now. Poor kids rarely ever gets a break. He has to work at everything (meaning, speak, follow rules, etc) and I bet it's exhausting to keep in control of himself all the time.

Good: his eye contact is amazing. All of his teachers/therapists commented on how he looks you in the eye. He is on the verge of something, I can feel it.

Good: Mr. is having him do chores (ok, this may be bad for him :)). He helps put clothes into the dryer, rakes leaves, feeds the dog, helps put away things.

Good: He is getting so much better at brushing his own teeth. he actually can do the front surface of his front teeth, and will hold his mouth open (with a gazillion prompts) so we can get the back ones done.

Well, this is getting long winded, as usual, but I hadn't blogged in a while and wanted to get some of this down so I don't forget the good stuff next time I want to pull out my own hair.

It's not related, but I'll end with a picture of autumn, the most beautiful time of year in New England.