Answering Questions

"did you go to school today?"

"no"

"did you go to the doctor today?"

"yes"

"Are you happy or sad?"

"Happy"

"Where do you go with Mommy?"

"The zoo and playground"

Not quite spontaneous, but, Ladies and Gentlemen, that's a conversation.

:)

Monster's first big boy b-day party

Monster has been to a few birthday parties in the past. Some of them at typical birthday party places, or at people's houses. This time, however, the party was more like the parties I remember as a child-games, prizes, etc; and Monster didn't ask to leave early.

A co-worker's son turned 5 and he kindly asked if Monster would like to come. We agreed. It's always nice to get out and find new places, meet other parents. The party was at one of these playhouse-type place. It had a Pirate ship slide area, a huge (open) inflatable jump houses (in the picture to the right), toys, etc. Previously, these places were "play in structure 45 minutes, move out for the next party". This place, was different. The party was a mixture of open play, organized games, eating, etc. We first got there and it was open play. Monster did laps in the jumpy place, ran to the slides (though he wouldn't actually slide for the first hour or so), climbed up and down. It was pretty much chaos, with about 10 5-7 year olds running around. Then they called to all the kids to sit down, for the first activity. I sat with Monster, giving him some hand squeezes, some body hugs (pulling his knees up to his chest), pushing down on his head, other sensory mamas understand what I mean.

The first activity was to go on a treasure hunt-not a follow the clues type of thing, but a literal treasure hunt. Plastic gold coins were strewn throughout the play areas-in the jump place, on the slides (I think), the floor, etc. After the wonderful young woman (she was awesome with the kids), finished explaining the game, the kids took off. Monster went back to the jump house for more laps, while the other kids were scrambling for the coins. After they left, taking the coins they could see with them, Monster started poking around the seams, finding 2 coins. I don't know if he chose to look for the coins, or if he was looking for pressure on his hands, and found something that felt weird. Regardless, he brought them to me and walked with me to the pot, like we were suppose to. He put the coins in and went back to jumping in the house. The two women leading the game, kept dumping out the coins in the bucket, so the kids would continually be looking for more coins, very ingenious! After all the coins were finally picked up, we sat together (like circle time) and counted them. Monster didn't really count with the group, but he and I counted up to 20 while we waiting. After the counting, each kid got 1 piece of candy (Monster declined his piece, which is good since he's not allowed to eat most candy due to artificial dyes).

This activity was followed by pizza-the jump place was closed for 5 minutes, guaranteeing the kids will have to sit down and eat something. We put 5 minutes on my visual timer (it's an iPhone app, it costs $0.99 and it works just like a Time Timer with the added benefit of having the colors pulse, an alarm, etc.) and tried to get Monster to eat something (or drink some water). When that was done he got to go back to the jumpy-thing. Then it was time to play musical chairs (or rather, musical foam puzzle pieces). We again gathered in the same place (those play mats that are cushioned) and I again had Monster on my lap, providing deep pressure in his joints. He said he wanted to play the game, I led him around in the circle, actually, it was more like him leading me. He stopped and found a foam when the music stopped, and made it through 3 or 4 rounds before he decided he was done and I pulled him off. After he was done with the game, he went back to the jumpy-thing and watched the other kids finish. This time, he said he wanted the candy, so we got in line and he chose a piece when it was his turn. I promptly traded him 2 pieces of his favorite gum for his Swedish fish.

For the remainder of the day, he would follow the other kids jumping/sliding for a while, then take himself somewhere quiet-one or the other of the slides, at the top, or lying (or is that laying?) down in the jump house. The kids would swarm from one to the other, so he couldn't really be alone for very long. When he was at the top of this one slide, where it was dark and a bit quieter, Mr sat with him and talked with the other kids. Monster really enjoyed watching the kids and almost came down the slide (an enclosed twisty one, and he never goes down things where he can't see the end alone) a few times.



Then it was time when they party folks brought in balloon swords. Monster said he wanted one (he's gotten them before), so I got one for him (a little girl came and either returned it to me at one point, or gave me another one-saying it was for Zach, I can't remember which, but it made me think "Why does he always end up with a girl taking care of him?" since Monster has always found some female peer (or older, but still a child) that adores and dotes on him-since his first day of daycare where the older girls would treat him like a living doll. I played swords with some of the kids, Monster and I played swords, it was a blast to be had by all! He eventually even slid down the slide by himself (without dad pushing and mom pulling).

All of the kids were great. They weren't too pushy when waiting and there didn't seem to be a single fight between anyone-they were all sharing and taking turns but in a very high energy, chaotic way! The parents were nice. Mr and I both got a chance to chat with people. Mr told me that one of the parents said he just thought Monster was shy (and we were a bit overprotective-j/k). Honestly, looking back, there was very little outward difference between Monster and the other kids. Sure, *I* knew he wasn't really chasing the other kids (and often would leave after a few minutes) and I had to hold his hand during musical puzzle pieces. But, in his own way, he was choosing to interact in socially appropriate ways (aka playing). We even made it through the entire party; by the time he said "all done, go home", other kids were getting ready to leave.

Not only was the party a great part of the day, the day actually started out really cool with Mr. doing homework with Monster. Mr would put a time on the visual timer for when Monster would start his school work, he would only have to work for a pre-set time limit (5 minutes), after which he was allowed to play (computer/DVD player). Repeat for (1)math, (2) writing/cutting, (3) sight word matching. He didn't give us any grief or tantrums before doing them (which can happen during the week). After the party, and then dinner, he played in the tub a long time, reading to me, and didn't give Mr. a hard time before falling asleep (Mr. kindly/demonically relieved me of my nighttime duties so I could endure the Bears game). All-in-all a magical fall day (despite the frigid temperatures and pouring rain).






Here is Monster working his way to actually sliding down the slide. This sucker was fairly steep and slick. Kids were flying down it before crashing into a cushioned mat.

So that's what an IEP is suppose to be

We had our first IEP at the new school this morning.

It was as different from what we were use to as can be, except for one thing-we still didn't get any information before hand (this is universal, isn't it?). The meeting was only about an hour long, they had another IEP scheduled, however it was a very productive hour.

The teachers spoke about where Monster was, how he was doing. They did say that, for the most part, the goals the old school wrote were pretty on target for him, but that he blew threw them. They really hadn't written any goals yet, but we did go through what they thought he should be working on and we agreed to those in principle, now they will write the goals for us to review before agreeing. We spoke about generalizing everything to the home so we are all on the same page. The social stories, the picture strips, how they handle things. I'm continually blown away by the resources they have and the way they use them to integrate Monster into the school. For example, his special ed teacher is making a story board for PE so he can follow the games with this peers. His aide works with him to walk up and down stairs so he doesn't fling himself down them (they go through his social story, practice, prompt, etc). All the teachers have PECs attached to their belts so they can use them when needed. All the doors for activities have PECS on the outside.

But the single, most important (to me) tool, is his aide. She is an angel. We got word today that she is no longer temporary but will be hired as his aide. She can read him and help prevent problems before they happen because she is with him all the time. He is able to go to Music, art, PE and recess with his typical peers because he has someone who can help remind him how to act, read his moods and get him to where he needs to be. If ever I had a doubt (and, honestly, I never did) of what a properly trained paraprofessional can do, seeing what Ms. V can do for Monster has erased it.

Some people say that having an aide is restricting to a student, and I agree with that if the aide is not trained properly, or if the student does not trust them. But having an aide has opened so many doors for Monster. She is going to help him line up and walk in with his peers, she is going to help him eat lunch in the cafeteria with the other kids, she helps him play with other kids on the playground. How can this be more restrictive? She doesn't do things for him; she doesn't teach him directly, or act for him with other people. She is a talented, beautiful tool who helps Monster learn how he is suppose to act and gives him the confidence to try.

The ultimate goal is for Monster to NOT need her forever. To provide him with the tools and confidence to do things for himself. But sometimes, having training wheels really can help someone learn to ride a bike. Eventually, those training wheels come off.

I love my new school. But I absolutely must send out a great big internet kudos to those at my old school. Monster wouldn't be doing so well now if he hadn't had the foundation laid then/there. They may not know how to take the next step to embracing inclusion (and with the way schools are treated in CA, financially speaking, I'm sure it is a tough step), but they have talented staff who can do a lot with the little they are given (resource wise). For Monster, they wrote some good goals!

Monster is still autistic. He still has challenges, but he has a great group of people at school who are going to help us help him be the most he can be.

Now on to a few notables (both bad and good).

Good: Monster is learning to swing himself (pump his legs/arms). He is so cute pushing off of the ground, swinging his legs and then, his newest trick (learned, I'm sure at school watching other kids) jumping off the swing.

Good: Monster is reading more at home. He uses his finger and reads the books teacher sends home. I'll try and grab some video (which may be a bit wonky, since he reads during bath time :p) of him. He is cute (needs work with his articulation).

Good: He was playing outside by himself earlier. Mr. was cooking and keeping an eye on him, but he was playing on his swing, etc. So very reminiscent of what a typical child would do. It's the little things, isn't it, that are so special.

Good: He will use up/down, left/right to show us which video he wants from his collection.

Bad: He has bitten two kids at school-both on days that rained. The school has been very good about responding to both incidents. Apparently, there was some frustration with the rain preventing him from doing what he would normally do. The school is working on social stories to help him understand what will happen when it rains (indoor play days). On a positive note, it seems like the little girl he bit the first time came up and hugged him, so no hard feelings.

Bad: his fingers are extremely red and swollen. he has been biting them often. This wasn't unexpected, given the amount of work he has to do all the time now. Poor kids rarely ever gets a break. He has to work at everything (meaning, speak, follow rules, etc) and I bet it's exhausting to keep in control of himself all the time.

Good: his eye contact is amazing. All of his teachers/therapists commented on how he looks you in the eye. He is on the verge of something, I can feel it.

Good: Mr. is having him do chores (ok, this may be bad for him :)). He helps put clothes into the dryer, rakes leaves, feeds the dog, helps put away things.

Good: He is getting so much better at brushing his own teeth. he actually can do the front surface of his front teeth, and will hold his mouth open (with a gazillion prompts) so we can get the back ones done.

Well, this is getting long winded, as usual, but I hadn't blogged in a while and wanted to get some of this down so I don't forget the good stuff next time I want to pull out my own hair.

It's not related, but I'll end with a picture of autumn, the most beautiful time of year in New England.