The Party at Last

Wow.

We survived.



Monster's party is finally over and, man, was it a blast! I have no idea how many kids eventually showed up; I have 5 gift bags (out of 20) left, so at least 15 kids were there (and I counted 15 presents). Because of the weather and time of the year, there were also a lot of siblings at the party as well, which both added to the chaos and the fun! I suspect that, all told, there were about 20.

The day started with a twist. One of Monster's classmate's dad was ill and her mom needed to be with him at the hospital. So I had her drop the girl off before the party so she could hang with us-which was a lot of fun and a lot of work (for me). The little girl, A, was a chatterbox-she talked nearly non-stop the entire time she was with us. She was beyond polite, with great manners, but she either asked questions or talked the entire time. When she got here, Mr had just gotten himself put together and was getting ready to take off with the food and decorations. By prior arrangement, Mr was going to go over first with the stuff and I was going to show up a bit later with Monster, so Monster didn't get too wound up (well, best laid plans and all that).

I was pretty impressed with how Monster handled the entire day. When A got here, Monster was playing with his DVDs (i.e. watching the sneak peaks and selected scenes from Disney movies. A wanted to do whatever he was doing, which was cool, but he has a really hard time sharing his DVDs, so I tried to interest A in coloring or drawing. She wasn't that interested in that but saw Monster's computer and wanted to watch some of his videos (videos of him doing things). That's another thing he wasn't good at sharing (and I eventually had to put the computer away). Then she wanted to actually watch one of his DVDs, another bad thing (for Monsters. So now, I'm getting very worried that Monster is going to pushed beyond his limits before we ever got to the party. Eventually, A played on Monster's bicycle (a Smart Cycle). Monster hovered a bit, watching her, but let her play without any problem. Monster would either jump on his trampoline or walk on the treadmill. By this point, Monster had already had more 1:1 interaction with a child than he normally gets over the entire weekend.

The weather was absolutely horrific. Cold, wet, gusty winds made walking anywhere difficult. When we got there and trudged through the puddles and up the stairs to the Beach Bounce, I found Mr surrounded by several wonderful ladies, who decorated and blew up balloons while Mr charmed everyone around him.



The parents who had showed up were very wonderful about pitching in and helping us get going. Which was fortunate, because after Mr took off (to get coffee for everyone), Monster really needed help for the first 30 minutes or so. Since we had been going to this place for the past few months, Monster could do fairly well for himself and didn't need us to hover too much. At his party, he was quite insecure for the first half hour or so. He would check in with me (look for me to make sure I was watching him) every minute or so, and would come over for hugs every 5 or 10 minutes. But he played and played and played-like all the kids did.



After about 45 minutes, he needed a break, so he asked me for his iPod and played with that for about 10 minutes. One of his friends (backstory: there were two little boys that Monster knows from the sensory room at school, N and C. We were told that Monster calls them "friends" so we sent invites to them and they both showed up), N, was watching Monster play on his iPod and when Monster was done, he let N play with it-and NO ONE touches Monster's iPod! The pattern of finding me, getting his iPod (or Dad's iPhone) repeated about 2 more times. Now, I bet parents of typical kids would think it was rude of their child to go off by him/herself during her/his birthday party, but for me, I couldn't have been prouder! It was one of the first times I had seen him recognize, in himself, that he needed a break and seeking out that break and then return to the activity. In the past, he has signaled being done with a task or area (no matter how preferred an activity it was), but when he was done he was done. Sunday, he would take a little break, have some water and then go back.



Eventually, it was time to sing Happy Birthday and blow out the candles. Forgive my horrific singing voice, but this is him blowing out his candle. Mr had worked with him all week blowing out a candle after we sang to him. He was so exhausted at this point that he mainly laid down either in the jump houses or on the floor (in everyone's way).



Toward the end of his party, he had asked to go go the library, so we (Monster, his classmate A and I) did. By the time we got home, all of us were exhausted and A's mom was done for the day and came to pick her up. I think they played well together, and although she was exhausting, it was nice to have A around.

All-in-all, the day went really well. Mr and I got to get to know some of the parents. Hopefully we can hook up with some folks for playdates. However, I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. Throughout the entire day, it seemed to me that there was a hint of sadness in Monster's eyes. To me, it seemed like he really felt his different-ness, which he doesn't seem to notice or think about most of the time. It was almost as if there was an invisible barrier between him and the other kids (except, surprisingly enough, between him and N, who was also special needs) that he wanted to cross but either didn't know how or thought he couldn't.

Maybe I'm projecting too much; I'm horribly shy and have problems in social situations as well, but I really don't think I am. One of the things I'm noticing is that it was easier on him, and us, when he lived in his own world. In there, things were safe and comforting. Out here, it is weird and scary and stressful. I understand that fear quite well; I just don't know how to help him handle it. I can't tell him that kids all think he's wonderful, because that's just not how things work. At this age, sure, kids are fairly accepting. But as he gets older, or around people who just don't know him, I can't guarantee he won't be made fun of, or pushed around-he's already experienced a kid trying to keep him from playing in a public place (other kids were trying to dominate one piece of equipment)-not all kids are nice or polite or follow the same social rules and he needs to know that I'm going to be honest and real with him (which is probably a whole 'nother blog entry).

Intellectually, I know that time, patience and self-confidence are what he needs to get through this and given how far he has already come, and the wonderful support he is getting, I'm confident that he will get there. He really is a wonderful, brave, charming little boy (well, big boy now).

We had a t-shirt available for the kids to decorate for him and I thought I would end this post with a picture of his decorated t-shirt: